Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hmm,

So I admit I think I'm getting that twitchy feeling the closer it comes to December, which is annoying. I'm trying to decide if I'm more anxious about missing a Christmas by doing nothing, or disappointing other people by handing them cash and not presents they probably didn't want in the first place.

It bites, but what's a person to do? I get so depressed about this time of year, no one helps me, no one considers how miserable I get and if they see my actions as punishing them in some way... well, maybe that's true.

I still want the fairy tale. I want not to feel pressure, I want the Disney glitter version of happy families long since lost to childhood and nothing compares to that. So I want to break Christmas, shatter it and then maybe something better will happen (doubtful).

Do I suffer, or do I come across as the villain of the piece? Am I just trying to punish myself?

That's a good question.

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Listening to: Hot Chip - Over and over
via FoxyTunes
Posted by General Disorder :: 11:54 pm :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

It's still November.

Piss the fuck off, Eastenders! It is NOT Christmas time. It is Tuesday!

Posted by General Disorder :: 7:42 pm :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, November 26, 2007

I can hear people whispering and mentioning the C word. This not only puts pressure on me, but someone else who doesn't enjoy this time of year.

I feel bad about that, but I'm not giving in. I'm done.

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Listening to: Christina Aguilera - Hurt
via FoxyTunes

Posted by General Disorder :: 12:31 am :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, November 25, 2007

Well, it was bound to happen. Last night I was visited by the ghost of Christmas fantasy land as I suffered one of my 'haven't-done-anything' nightmares. Strangely, it wasn't that bad, it also seemed to be high summer, and my mother was outside my Grandmother's old home cutting Brussel sprouts in half with a large knife. She had to, the sprouts were the size of cabbages.

I don't remember feeling panicked, the way I normally do in these dreams, and there was no mad rush to decorate and find/wrap presents. In fact, I was quite blase, so maybe my attitude of late has started to have an effect on this stupid scenario.

More likely I'm storing up trouble for the future.

Posted by General Disorder :: 3:21 am :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, November 24, 2007

Seven days.

Looking across to the calendar I see that in one week it will be December and there will be no avoiding the sudden surge in Christmas 'things'. It means there are four weeks and some change to doomsday, or 31 days to the point of no return. At the moment I have little feeling on the matter (what else is new with me lately) and I'm surprised that not one person has really mentioned it at all in the house.

I imagine it will change. I imagine that any day now the subtle pressure to conform will start leaking out. Mind you, first my mother would have to get her lips off my older sister's giant, spoilt ass. The first words out of her mouth on returning from work involve her name (are you all right *older sis's name?)

She never asks if I'm okay. Mind you, she never cares or notices when I'm not.

Maybe I'm rebelling so hard this year as some sort of punishment, or test.

Yeah... I think that has a lot to do with it. They don't give a shit, so why the hell should I?

Posted by General Disorder :: 4:03 am :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Tick-tock

So ads aside things are going okay. I'm not panicking, but as happened this time last year I was fairly blase about the whole avoiding Christmas scenario until about four weeks before. If history holds true, I'll be due to freak out some time next weekend, though considering I'm feeling blank about the entire universe maybe this time I'll be fine.

There's certainly more of a interest in seeing what's going to happen if I do sod all. Where the blame and guilt trips will originate?

We'll see, if I could be bothered enough to care.

Posted by General Disorder :: 9:45 pm :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, November 08, 2007

My gob is well and truly smacked.

Some crazy insane person on a forum I frequent, started a thread on what people had done for Christmas thus far. The first part of their list of done things was?

Tree up.

It's the 8th of NOVEMBER!!

They need taking out and soundly beating with a length of holly.

Labels: crazy muthaf**ka, tree

Posted by General Disorder :: 8:52 pm :: 0 Comments:

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---------------oOo--------------- Ho effing no.

So I'm definitely back to posting here. I have another blog, which I use almost daily, but when I post anything about trying to avoid the 'jolly' season I either get snippy comments about how they will be celebrating, or suddenly end up surrounded by people who can't wait. It makes me uncomfortable posting my gripes, which is a pisser because I don't want to annoy my flist, but nor do I want to censor my thoughts.

So, I'll carry on doing that here, where I can vent in relative peace. But anyway, the Christmas ads are in full swing, trying to make me feel like Scrooge.

They can bite me. Bring on the fucking spirits!

Posted by General Disorder :: 2:07 am :: 0 Comments:

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